i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
