I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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