i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
