Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think my tv is drunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
