nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it because I queefed?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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