Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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