Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
