If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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