Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
