On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
