cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
