We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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