high people should be assigned attendants
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
