i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
