I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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