New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
