and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
