My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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