the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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