what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
