please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
