I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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