all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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