i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
