I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
