i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
