Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
