Last Night in Texas (409)

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• (409): View more from Texas

  I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

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• (409): View more from Texas

  There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,

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