Texts From Last Night · ikjrwr0209's Favorites

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ikjrwr0209's Favorites Texts:

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(334): View more from Alabama

How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

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(503): View more from Oregon

His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

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(817): View more from Texas

I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one

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(631): View more from New York

You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.

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