Texts From Last Night · kael92's Favorites

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kael92's Favorites Texts:

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

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(518): View more from New York

and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(585): View more from New York

Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.

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(408): View more from California

Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.

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(315): View more from New York

making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke

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(706): View more from Georgia

Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

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