Texts From Last Night · laurenmaureen's Favorites

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laurenmaureen's Favorites Texts:

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(807): View more from Ontario

I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

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(661): View more from California

His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

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(562): View more from California

If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

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(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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(720): View more from Colorado

I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

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(303): View more from Colorado

i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

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