Texts From Last Night · mrtoast's Favorites

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mrtoast's Favorites Texts:

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.

Fav 8 2481 847
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(620): View more from Kansas

Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

Fav 26 1389 4633
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(619): View more from California

Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.

Fav 14 4779 1806
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(818): View more from California

you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.

Fav 11 2974 1037
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(404): View more from Georgia

He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

Fav 13 8842 1448
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(310): View more from California

I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear

Fav 6 2339 1667
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(678): View more from Georgia

I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...

(404): View more from Georgia

I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.

Fav 8 4189 984
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(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

Fav 185 53795 3109
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