Texts From Last Night · muse_ic's Favorites

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muse_ic's Favorites Texts:

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(678): View more from Georgia

My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

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(760): View more from California

when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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