Last Night in California (760)

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• (760): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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• (760): View more from California

  dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.

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• (760): View more from California

  Joe is yelling at the trees again.

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• (760): View more from California

  Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

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• (760): View more from California

  i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

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• (760): View more from California

  No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.

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• (760): View more from California

  I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.

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• (760): View more from California

  I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.

  (818): View more from California

  haha i love mojitos

  (760): View more from California

  ya and i hate cabbage

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• (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

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• (760): View more from California

  My girlfriend figured out who you are.

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• (760): View more from California

  O no, u 2 are dating again?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture

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• (760): View more from California

  i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

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• (760): View more from California

  ...so i touched it.

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