Last Night in California (310)

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• (310): View more from California

  i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets

  (818): View more from California

  julia child would be proud.

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• (310): View more from California

  Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...

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• (310): View more from California

  Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.

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• (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

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• (310): View more from California

  Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb

  (209): View more from California

  it's ELEVEN

  (310): View more from California

  thirty

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• (310): View more from California

  Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.

  (310): View more from California

  Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.

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• (310): View more from California

  When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth

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• (310): View more from California

  Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.

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• (310): View more from California

  Slut skills are useful in every country.

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• (310): View more from California

  i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

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• (310): View more from California

  I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

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• (310): View more from California

  He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.

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• (310): View more from California

  Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

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• (310): View more from California

  Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.

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