Last Night in California (310)

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• (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

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• (310): View more from California

  Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.

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• (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

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• (818): View more from California

  I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape

  (310): View more from California

  wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?

  (818): View more from California

  why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES

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• (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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• (310): View more from California

  she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.

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• (310): View more from California

  I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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• (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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• (310): View more from California

  once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

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• (310): View more from California

  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

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• (310): View more from California

  I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.

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• (310): View more from California

  Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING

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• (310): View more from California

  Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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• (310): View more from California

  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

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