Last Night in Maryland (410)

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

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  True romance of the 21st century.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I love how my cats smell like pot.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days

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