Texts From Last Night

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(870): View more from Arkansas

If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.

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(253): View more from Washington

Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..

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(870): View more from Arkansas

But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?

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(224): View more from Illinois

Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.

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(224): View more from Illinois

Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.

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