I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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