Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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