Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sobbing to NWA
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
