Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
