I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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