just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize