Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
