I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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