I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
