when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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