I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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