Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
