oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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