How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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