ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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