Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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