well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
