He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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