I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
