the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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