he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
