I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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