Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
