i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
