I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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