a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize