Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
